Top 31 Short Sarcastic Quotes from Ron Swanson

“There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut.”

 “Great job, everyone. The reception will be held in each of our individual houses, alone.”

“I’m not interested in caring about people.”

 “Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.”

“Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless.”

“There is only one bad word: taxes.”

“Friends: one to three is sufficient.”

“Breakfast food can serve many purposes.”

“Fishing is for sport only. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.”

“I’ll take that steak to go. Please and thank you.”

“I was born ready. I’m Ron Fucking Swanson.”

“Capitalism: God’s way of determining who is smart and who is poor.”

 “Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness.”

“I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.”

“If there were more food and fewer people, this would be a perfect party.”

“So you talked to Tammy? What’s it like to stare into the eye of Satan’s butthole?”

“Turkey can never beat cow.”

“Breakfast food can serve many purposes.”

“I like saying ‘No,’ it lowers their enthusiasm.”

“You had me at ‘Meat Tornado.’”

“Are you going to tell a man that he can’t fart in his own car?”

“Put some alcohol in your mouth to block with words from coming out.”

“Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that.”

“Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.”

“When I eat, it is the food that is scared.”

“Sting like a bee. Do not float like a butterfly. That’s ridiculous.”

“Child labor laws are ruining this country.”

You’ve accidentally given me the food that my food eats.

“Barbecues should be about one thing: good shared meat.”

“I work hard to make sure my department is as small and as ineffective as possible.”

“Well, I am not usually one for speeches. So, goodbye.”

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